At a Glance
At a Glance: Struggling to switch off on holiday is common when your mind and body have become used to functioning under pressure. Anxiety, chronic stress, perfectionism and ADHD-related difficulties can all make rest feel unfamiliar, and sometimes even unsafe. This post explains why relaxation can be so difficult and how psychological therapy or, where relevant, a comprehensive adult ADHD assessment may help.
Holidays are supposed to help us relax, recharge and return feeling refreshed. Yet for many people, slowing down is not nearly as easy as it sounds.
You may reach your holiday destination and notice that your body is there, but your mind is still at work. Perhaps you keep checking emails, thinking about unfinished tasks or worrying about what will be waiting for you when you return. You may feel restless when there is nothing you must do, or guilty for sitting down and doing very little.
Some people even find that they feel more anxious, emotional or physically exhausted once the usual demands of everyday life have stopped.
I am Dr Sonney Gullu-McPhee, a Chartered Clinical Psychologist offering psychological therapy in Petersfield, Hampshire, and online across the UK. In my clinical work, I often meet people who are exhausted and desperately need a break, yet find that when the opportunity finally arrives, they still cannot fully switch off.
If this happens to you, it does not mean that you are incapable of enjoying yourself. It may simply mean that your mind and body have become used to functioning under pressure.
Why Relaxing Can Feel So Difficult
When you have been managing ongoing stress, your nervous system does not always recognise immediately that the pressure has passed.
Your out-of-office message may be switched on. Your suitcase may be unpacked. You may be sitting beside a pool or looking out at the sea. Yet internally, part of you may still be scanning for the next problem.
Thoughts such as “I should be doing something”, “I am wasting time”, or “What if something goes wrong while I am away?” can continue even when there is no urgent situation to deal with.
The external demands may have reduced, but the internal pressure remains.
For some people, constant busyness has also become a way of avoiding difficult thoughts or feelings. When life finally becomes quiet, worries that were previously pushed into the background can suddenly feel much louder.
This can make relaxation feel unfamiliar. In some cases, it can even feel unsafe.
Signs That You Are Finding It Hard to Switch Off
Difficulty relaxing does not always look dramatic. It can show up in small, everyday ways.
You may find yourself repeatedly checking your phone, thinking about work while talking to your family, planning every hour of the holiday or becoming irritated when plans change. You may struggle to sit still, find it difficult to sleep or feel that you need to make the holiday perfect.
You might also notice that you feel unusually tired, tearful or physically run down once you stop. Some people experience headaches, digestive discomfort or a sudden sense of exhaustion.
This is sometimes described informally as a post-stress crash.
Understanding the Post-Stress Crash
During a demanding period, people often focus on simply getting through each day. They may ignore tiredness, emotional strain or physical discomfort because there does not seem to be time to stop.
Once the pressure lifts, the body may finally begin to register how depleted it has become.
You may suddenly feel exhausted, unmotivated, emotional or unable to make simple decisions. This can be confusing because it often happens at the exact moment when you expected to feel better.
It may seem as though the holiday is making you feel worse. It may be revealing the stress that was already there.
Your body may finally be taking the opportunity to slow down.
Anxiety and the Need to Stay in Control
Holidays often involve a degree of uncertainty. There may be travel delays, unfamiliar places, disrupted routines, different foods or less control over how the day unfolds.
For someone who experiences anxiety, these changes can feel surprisingly difficult.
You may respond by planning everything in detail, checking arrangements repeatedly or asking others for reassurance. You may research every possible problem before leaving or avoid unfamiliar activities because they feel too unpredictable.
These behaviours can reduce anxiety in the short term. However, they can also reinforce the belief that uncertainty is dangerous and must always be controlled.
Anxiety may also become more noticeable when there are fewer distractions. During normal life, work, family responsibilities and practical tasks keep the mind occupied. On holiday, the absence of those distractions can create more room for worries to surface.
Why Holidays Can Be Difficult for Adults With ADHD
Holidays can also be unexpectedly challenging for adults who experience ADHD-related difficulties.
Everyday routines provide external structure. Work schedules, school runs, appointments and deadlines tell us what needs to happen and when. When that structure disappears, some people feel relieved, while others feel unsettled, disorganised or unsure how to use their time.
Packing, planning, travel and changes in routine can become overwhelming. Busy airports and unfamiliar surroundings may feel overstimulating. Unstructured time may lead to boredom, restlessness or difficulty getting started with anything.
Some adults with ADHD move between extremes. They may fill every day with activities and become exhausted, or struggle to initiate anything and then feel guilty for wasting the holiday.
Others find it difficult to manage disappointment or frustration when plans change unexpectedly.
Experiencing some of these difficulties does not automatically mean that someone has ADHD. ADHD involves a longstanding pattern that begins in childhood and affects more than one area of life.
However, when difficulties with attention, organisation, time management, impulsivity or emotional regulation have been present for many years, a comprehensive adult ADHD assessment may help provide greater clarity.
Why Rest Can Trigger Guilt
For some people, rest feels uncomfortable because their sense of worth has become closely tied to productivity.
You may have learned, directly or indirectly, that being busy means being responsible, useful or successful. You may have received praise mainly when you achieved something, helped others or kept going despite being tired.
Over time, beliefs such as “rest is lazy”, “I should always be doing more” or “other people’s needs are more important than mine” can become deeply ingrained.
When you finally stop, guilt appears.
You may understand logically that you need a break, while emotionally feeling that you are doing something wrong.
This is not always solved by simply telling yourself to relax. It may require learning, gradually, that rest is a basic human need rather than something you have to earn.
The Pressure to Have a Perfect Holiday
The expectation that a holiday should be wonderful from beginning to end can create its own kind of stress.
You may have spent a significant amount of money and feel that every day needs to count. You may feel responsible for making sure everyone else has a good time. If the weather changes, someone becomes unwell or family members disagree, it can feel as though the whole holiday has been ruined.
Social media can add to this pressure. It often gives the impression that everyone else is having an effortless, beautiful and perfectly organised experience.
Real holidays are rarely like that.
They often include tiredness, boredom, disrupted sleep, disagreements and practical problems. Allowing room for these ordinary moments can make it easier to appreciate the good ones.
How to Ease Yourself into Rest
It may be more helpful to think of relaxation as a gradual transition rather than something that should happen instantly.
Where possible, try not to work intensively until the moment you leave. Even a few hours to pack calmly, finish practical tasks and mentally close the working week can help your nervous system begin to slow down.
Some people also benefit from keeping a little structure while away. Rest does not have to mean having no plan at all. A loose routine, perhaps with one activity and some protected downtime, can feel more settling than either a completely packed schedule or an entirely empty day.
It can also help to decide in advance what your relationship with work will be during the holiday. Constantly checking emails keeps part of your mind connected to work, even when there is nothing you need to do. Clear boundaries are often more helpful than repeatedly negotiating with yourself throughout the day.
If guilt appears while you are resting, try noticing it without automatically obeying it. You might gently remind yourself, “I notice that part of me feels uncomfortable resting. That does not mean I am doing anything wrong.”
For some people, complete stillness feels too difficult at first. Gentle activities such as walking, swimming, reading or exploring somewhere new can provide a bridge between constant busyness and deeper rest.
You may also need to allow yourself to feel tired. If exhaustion becomes more noticeable once you stop, this does not mean you are wasting your holiday. It may be a sign that your body is finally recovering from a prolonged period of pressure.
Grounding can also help when anxiety rises. Notice your feet on the floor, the support of the chair beneath you, the sounds around you or the sensation of the air on your skin. Slowing the out-breath slightly can also help your body recognise that there is no immediate danger.
Finally, try not to place too much pressure on yourself to enjoy every moment. A holiday can still be valuable even if some parts of it feel difficult.
When Difficulty Relaxing May Reflect Something Deeper
Occasional difficulty switching off is common, particularly after a demanding period.
However, it may be worth seeking support if you regularly feel unable to rest, remain constantly on edge or become anxious whenever life becomes quiet.
Difficulty relaxing can sometimes be connected to chronic stress, generalised anxiety, panic, burnout, perfectionism, trauma-related hypervigilance or ADHD-related difficulties. It may also be linked to low self-worth, excessive responsibility for others or a longstanding fear of losing control.
You may notice that holidays are not the only time this happens. Evenings, weekends and quiet periods may produce the same restlessness, guilt or anxiety.
Psychological therapy can help you understand what keeps your mind and body in a state of urgency.
How Psychological Therapy Can Help
Different therapeutic approaches may be helpful depending on what is contributing to the problem.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help you identify patterns of worry, repeated checking, avoidance and reassurance-seeking. It can also help you notice how your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and behaviours interact to keep anxiety going.
Schema Therapy may be particularly useful when difficulty resting is linked to longstanding beliefs about achievement, responsibility, self-sacrifice or demanding standards. It can help you understand where these patterns developed and how they continue to shape the way you treat yourself.
Compassion Focused Therapy can support you in developing a kinder and more balanced relationship with yourself, especially if rest triggers guilt, shame or harsh self-criticism.
For some people, constant alertness is connected to trauma-related experiences. When the nervous system has learned that danger can appear unexpectedly, slowing down may feel unsafe even when there is no present threat. Trauma-informed therapy can help you make sense of these responses and gradually develop a greater sense of safety.
Where attention, organisation, time management and emotional regulation difficulties have been present throughout life, an adult ADHD assessment may also help provide a clearer understanding of what is happening.
You Do Not Have to Earn Rest
Rest is not a reward that you receive only after everything has been completed.
There will always be another task, another responsibility or another problem to solve.
Learning to pause does not mean that you are becoming lazy, irresponsible or less motivated. It means recognising that your mind and body also need care.
You may not be able to move immediately from years of pressure into effortless relaxation. Learning to rest can take time, especially when busyness has become closely connected to safety, achievement or self-worth.
If you notice that you remain anxious, guilty or constantly alert even when there is no immediate pressure, psychological therapy can help you understand what is keeping you in that state and support you in developing a healthier relationship with rest.
Psychological Therapy in Petersfield, Hampshire and Online
I offer psychological therapy for adults experiencing anxiety, chronic stress, perfectionism, trauma-related difficulties and ADHD-related concerns.
My approach is collaborative and compassionate. Rather than focusing only on the immediate symptoms, we can work together to understand the experiences, beliefs and coping patterns that may be contributing to your difficulties.
Appointments are available from my private psychology practice in Petersfield, Hampshire, as well as securely online across the UK.
If you would like to explore how psychological therapy may help, I warmly invite you to get in touch to arrange a free 15-minute consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I feel more anxious once I finally stop and rest?
When you have been operating under sustained pressure, your nervous system can stay alert even after the demands have reduced. As the usual distractions fall away, feelings that were pushed into the background often become more noticeable. This does not mean something is wrong with you. It may simply be your mind and body beginning to register how depleted they have become.
Can psychological therapy in Petersfield help if I cannot switch off?
Yes. Speaking with a clinical psychologist may help you understand what keeps your mind and body in a state of urgency, and why rest can feel unfamiliar or unsafe. Therapy can support you in developing a healthier relationship with rest rather than simply telling yourself to relax.
Is difficulty relaxing a sign of ADHD?
Not on its own. Many people find rest difficult for reasons connected to stress, anxiety or perfectionism. ADHD involves a longstanding pattern of difficulties that begins in childhood and affects more than one area of life. Where these patterns have been present for many years, a comprehensive adult ADHD assessment may help provide greater clarity.
How is working with a clinical psychologist different from general relaxation advice?
General advice tends to focus on techniques. Working with a clinical psychologist begins with understanding why rest is difficult for you specifically, including the beliefs, experiences and coping patterns involved. The approach is then tailored to you rather than applied in the same way to everyone.
Do you offer therapy online as well as in Petersfield and Hampshire?
Yes. I see adults at my private practice in Petersfield, Hampshire, and I also offer therapy securely online across the UK, so support is available whether or not you can attend in person.