At a Glance
Anxiety in men does not always look like obvious worry or fear. It can appear as irritability, overthinking, difficulty switching off, physical tension, overworking or a strong need to stay in control.
Because these signs can easily be mistaken for stress, personality or work pressure, some men live with anxiety for a long time before recognising it.
I am Dr Sonney Gullu-McPhee, Chartered and HCPC-registered Clinical Psychologist, with extensive postdoctoral clinical training. I am an ISST Certified Advanced Schema Therapist and also work with EMDR, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focused Therapy and DBT-informed approaches.
I provide psychological therapy for adults in Petersfield, Hampshire, and online across the UK.
What Can Anxiety Look Like in Men?
There is no separate type of anxiety that only affects men. However, some men may be less likely to describe themselves as feeling frightened or anxious.
Instead, anxiety may show up as becoming more irritable, struggling to relax, feeling constantly under pressure or thinking repeatedly about what might go wrong.
You may notice that your mind rarely feels quiet. Perhaps you replay conversations afterwards, think several steps ahead, prepare for every possible problem or become frustrated when plans change.
Others experience anxiety more physically, with symptoms such as muscle tension, headaches, poor sleep, digestive symptoms, a racing heart or feeling restless.
The important point is that anxiety can affect the body, thoughts and behaviour, not just emotions.
When Anxiety Looks Like Irritability
One of the less obvious signs of anxiety in men is irritability.
When the body’s threat system is repeatedly activated, tolerance for stress can become lower. Small problems may begin to feel much harder to manage.
You might find yourself becoming impatient in traffic, frustrated with colleagues or family members, or disproportionately irritated when something unexpected happens.
From the outside, this can look like anger.
Underneath, however, you may be feeling overwhelmed, tense or worried about losing control of a situation.
This does not mean that all anger is anxiety. But when irritability appears alongside poor sleep, physical tension, overthinking or difficulty relaxing, anxiety may be part of the picture.
The Difficulty Switching Off
A pattern I often see clinically is someone who appears highly capable but finds it extremely difficult to stop.
You may work hard, manage responsibilities well and appear organised to others, while internally feeling that your mind is constantly moving on to the next task.
Even when you have time to relax, you may start thinking about work, responsibilities or what needs to happen tomorrow.
For some people, staying busy becomes a way of managing uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.
This is why anxiety can sometimes hide behind productivity.
Being conscientious or ambitious is not a problem. The difficulty arises when you feel that you have to keep doing in order to feel okay.
Anxiety, Overthinking and Control
Anxiety is often closely connected with uncertainty.
Your mind may try to protect you by analysing situations repeatedly, preparing for problems or making sure everything is under control.
This may include replaying conversations, worrying about making the wrong decision, checking things repeatedly or struggling when other people change plans.
These behaviours can reduce anxiety briefly because they create a sense of certainty.
But over time, they can teach the mind that uncertainty itself is dangerous.
The result can be an exhausting cycle of thinking, checking and preparing.
Why Can Anxiety Be Difficult to Recognise?
Many people grow up learning particular messages about how they should cope.
For some men, these may include ideas such as:
- “Deal with it yourself.”
- “Don’t show weakness.”
- “Just get on with it.”
If these messages become deeply ingrained, emotional distress may not be recognised as anxiety.
Instead, you may notice physical symptoms, irritability, overworking or withdrawal.
Earlier experiences can also shape how we respond to stress as adults.
For example, growing up with criticism, unpredictability, emotional neglect or very high expectations can contribute to patterns such as perfectionism, hypervigilance or feeling responsible for keeping everything under control.
In Schema Therapy, these longstanding patterns are explored in the context of the emotional needs and experiences that helped shape them.
The aim is not to blame the past, but to understand why certain situations continue to trigger such powerful responses in the present.
Anxiety and Relationships
Anxiety can also affect relationships.
Some people seek reassurance when anxious, while others withdraw.
You may avoid difficult conversations because you fear conflict, or become more controlling when situations feel uncertain.
A partner may experience this as distance or frustration, even though internally you may feel overwhelmed.
Understanding these patterns can make it easier to communicate what is happening and respond differently.
When Is Anxiety Becoming a Problem?
Anxiety is a normal human emotion and can sometimes be useful.
The difficulty is when your mind and body rarely seem to switch off.
It may be worth seeking support if anxiety is beginning to affect your sleep, concentration, relationships or enjoyment of life, or if you spend a significant amount of time worrying, avoiding situations or trying to keep everything under control.
You do not need to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.
How Psychological Therapy Can Help
Psychological therapy should not simply focus on telling you to worry less.
I work from a formulation-led approach, which means understanding what is driving and maintaining anxiety for you as an individual.
For one person, anxiety may be connected mainly with chronic worry and uncertainty. For another, it may relate to perfectionism, self-criticism, relationship difficulties or past experiences.
CBT can help identify patterns of anxious thinking, avoidance and reassurance seeking.
Schema Therapy can be particularly useful when anxiety is connected with longstanding patterns involving self-worth, perfectionism, emotional deprivation, mistrust or difficult childhood experiences.
Compassion Focused Therapy may help when anxiety is accompanied by a very harsh inner critic, shame or self-judgment.
Where anxiety is linked with trauma or distressing past experiences, EMDR may also be appropriate.
The aim is not only to reduce anxiety symptoms but also to understand why your nervous system has learned to respond in the way that it does.
Psychological Therapy for Anxiety in Petersfield, Hampshire and Online
I provide psychological therapy for adults experiencing anxiety, chronic stress, overthinking, perfectionism, trauma-related difficulties and longstanding emotional or relationship patterns.
My approach is collaborative and tailored to the individual, drawing from Schema Therapy, CBT, EMDR, Compassion Focused Therapy and DBT-informed approaches where appropriate.
Appointments are available at my psychology practice in Petersfield, Hampshire, as well as online across the UK.
If some of what you have read feels familiar, you are welcome to book a complimentary 15-minute consultation to discuss whether psychological therapy may be helpful.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are common signs of anxiety in men?
Anxiety may include worry, irritability, overthinking, difficulty relaxing, poor sleep, muscle tension, physical symptoms or feeling a strong need to stay in control.
Can anger be a sign of anxiety?
Sometimes. When the threat system is repeatedly activated, a person may become more tense, overwhelmed and easily frustrated. Irritability can therefore accompany anxiety, although anger can of course have many other causes.
Why can’t I switch off even when nothing is wrong?
If your mind has become used to anticipating problems, quiet periods can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. This may be linked with chronic stress, perfectionism, uncertainty or earlier experiences that taught you to remain alert.
Can anxiety cause physical symptoms?
Yes. Anxiety can affect heart rate, breathing, digestion and muscle tension. New or unexplained physical symptoms should still be medically assessed rather than automatically attributed to anxiety.
Do you offer therapy for anxiety in Petersfield?
Yes. I offer psychological therapy for adults in Petersfield, Hampshire, and online across the UK. A complimentary 15-minute consultation is available if you would like to discuss whether therapy may be suitable.