Do you have an inner voice that’s quick to point out your flaws, remind you of your mistakes, and question whether you’re good enough? For many people, the “inner critic” feels like a relentless companion, judging, comparing, and undermining at every opportunity. Self-critical thoughts can turn small setbacks into evidence of failure, leave you second-guessing decisions, and drain the joy from your achievements.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’ll never be good enough”, “They probably don’t like me”, or “I always mess things up”, you’ve already met your inner critic. Sometimes it whispers in the background; other times, it’s loud and insistent, especially in moments of vulnerability. The critic’s voice can leave you feeling tense, cautious, and constantly on guard, waiting for the next wave of self-judgment to arrive.
While self-reflection and constructive self-awareness are healthy, the inner critic goes far beyond that. It’s harsh, unhelpful, and often rooted in past experiences that shaped your self-worth. Left unchecked, self-critical thoughts can fuel anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and chronic self-doubt. The good news? That voice is not the truth; it’s a learned pattern, and patterns can be changed.
Are you seeking answers to how to overcome your inner critic? Therapy can help you rewrite the internalised beliefs which you may have picked up as a child, overcome the societal pressures and break free from repressed trauma.
I’m Dr Sonney Gullu-McPhee, a Chartered Clinical Psychologist with postdoctoral training in Advanced Schema Therapy. In this blog, I’ll explore what self-criticism is, why the inner critic develops, and how it can affect your mental health and relationships. I’ll also share how therapy, particularly Schema Therapy and Compassion-Focused Therapy, can help you quiet the critical voice, strengthen your self-worth, and create a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Book my complimentary 15-minute session to turn your self-criticism weakness into a self-awareness strength.
Why We Have an Inner Critic
The inner critic often develops early in life, shaped by the environments we grow up in. Critical parents, bullying, academic pressures, or cultural expectations can all teach us to be hyper-aware of our perceived shortcomings. Over time, these external voices become internalised, creating a running commentary in our own minds.
From a psychological perspective, the inner critic is often a form of overdeveloped self-protection. If you criticise yourself first, you might believe you can avoid rejection, shame, or disappointment from others.
In schema therapy, we see this as a “Punitive Critic” mode, an internalised figure that attacks the self, convinced that harshness is the only way to keep you in line. While it might have once served a protective function, over time, it becomes an obstacle to growth and self-worth.
How the Inner Critic Affects Your Mental Health
A loud inner critic doesn’t just hurt your feelings; it can shape how you live. Persistent self-critical thoughts are linked to low self-esteem, heightened anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and burnout. It can make you more likely to avoid new opportunities for fear of failure or push yourself beyond your limits to “prove” your worth.
It also affects relationships. If you’re convinced others see you as critically as you see yourself, you might withdraw to avoid “being found out,” or become defensive when receiving feedback. This cycle can leave you feeling disconnected and misunderstood, even by those who care about you.
So, how to overcome your inner critic?
Recognising the Voice
The first step towards change is recognising when the critic is speaking. Does it use words like “you always”, “you never”, or “you should”? Is the tone harsh, shaming, or impatient? When you become aware of its patterns, you begin to create space between the thought and your identity.
Some people find it helpful to give their inner critic a name, image, or persona. By externalising it, you can respond to it as you would to an overbearing figure in real life. Instead of automatically believing, “I’m a failure”, you can acknowledge, “That’s my critic talking again”. This separation is an important step in loosening its grip.
During my sessions, I will work with you to change the inner voice and make it more encouraging, positive and compassionate, rather than being critical and demotivating.
Bringing in Compassion
Here’s where Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) complements schema therapy so well. If the critic’s voice has been dominant for years, you need an equally strong, but far more supportive, alternative. Cultivating a compassionate inner voice allows you to replace harsh self-talk with warmth, patience, and understanding.
This doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook or ignoring mistakes. It means responding in a way that actually supports growth. Imagine how you would speak to a friend, a child, or even a past version of yourself who was doing their best in difficult circumstances. That’s the tone we aim to bring in.
Those who suffer from self criticism often struggle with self-compassion and self-esteem. During my CFT sessions, I will help you become self-aware while building self-confidence and becoming more accepting of your flaws and the mistakes you may commit.
Strengthening the Healthy Adult Mode
In schema therapy, your Healthy Adult mode is the part of you that can set boundaries with the critic. It’s the voice that says, “I hear your concerns, but you’re not helping right now”. This mode validates your worth, reminds you of your strengths, and encourages balanced decision-making.
Strengthening the Healthy Adult takes practice. You learn to ground yourself, self-validate, and surround yourself with people who reflect your values back to you. Over time, this mode becomes more influential than the critic, allowing you to lead with balance instead of fear.
We will work together during the schema therapy session to come up with positive affirmations for the common self criticism examples that you may encounter in your everyday life.
Healing the Root Cause
Silencing the inner critic isn’t just about changing thoughts. It’s about healing the wounds that gave rise to it. In therapy, we often uncover the early experiences where you felt shamed, rejected, or “not enough.” Through imagery rescripting, role-play, and limited reparenting, we create new emotional experiences that provide the validation, protection, and acceptance you previously missed out on.
This process isn’t about erasing self-critical thoughts completely; it may always exist in some form, but taking away its authority. You become the leader of your inner world, deciding which voices guide you and which don’t.
Sometimes your subconscious holds onto childhood traumas and phobias, and emotional abuse, dictating your self-worth and preventing your true potential. I will help you undo the years of self-critical thoughts and become independent and happy.
Therapy for Self-Critical Thoughts: Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue
Your inner critic is not your destiny. With the right support, you can quiet its voice, strengthen your Healthy Adult, and build a compassionate inner dialogue that fosters resilience, confidence, and self-worth.
In my practice, I integrate Schema Therapy and Compassion-Focused Therapy to help clients move from self-critical thoughts to self-acceptance. We work to uncover the critic’s origins, loosen its hold, and replace it with a voice that supports your growth instead of undermining it.
When you learn to respond to yourself with kindness, life changes. You take risks without constant self-doubt, recover from setbacks with more ease, and feel at home in your own skin. The shift isn’t about pretending you’re perfect—it’s about finally recognising that you were always worthy, even before you proved anything.
If you’re ready to quiet that relentless inner voice and build a life led by self-worth rather than self-criticism, I offer in-person sessions in Petersfield, Hampshire, and online therapy across the UK.
Call +44 7584 354041 or email info@drmcphee.co.uk or visit www.drmcphee.co.uk to arrange a consultation.