In 2025, people on average spend 141 minutes daily scrolling social media.
It takes one click to connect with people globally. Yet, in a world where we’re more connected than ever, with likes, group chats, and constant notifications, it can feel surprisingly painful to admit just how alone we sometimes feel.
If you’ve ever scrolled through social media and felt a hollow ache, or sat among people and still felt unseen, you’re not imagining things. Feelings of loneliness and isolation have quietly become one of the most widespread emotional experiences of modern life.
Research shows that loneliness and social isolation can increase the risk of early death to a degree comparable with smoking 15 cigarettes a day, obesity, or lack of exercise (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). Yet it’s rarely spoken about openly. Behind the surface of “busy” lives and online connections, many people carry a quiet, persistent ache for deeper emotional intimacy.
In this blog, I discuss how common emotional and social isolation caused by social media is, as well as the best way to break free from its shackles. I’m Dr Sonney Gullu-McPhee, a clinical psychologist and ISST-certified advanced schema therapist. I’ll teach you how to overcome feelings of loneliness and social isolation schema and lead a more connected and emotionally stable life.
Get in touch with me to book a session today.
Loneliness Is Not Just a Lack of People
Feelings of loneliness and isolation aren’t simply about being physically alone. It’s the emotional gap between the connection we long for and what we experience. Social isolation schema can show up in a marriage where you no longer feel emotionally close, a full calendar of social engagements that still leaves you feeling empty, or a demanding job that fills your hours but not your heart.
You might be surrounded by people at work, at home, and online, but still feel unseen, unheard, or unknown. In these moments, it’s important to understand that loneliness isn’t a flaw. It’s not a weakness. It’s a signal, a psychological cue pointing to unmet emotional needs.
Richard Deming explains that “loneliness remains understudied and under addressed” even with so many people experiencing it. Do you reach out for your phone, whether alone or in someone else’s company? Do you spend hours scrolling social media and then leave with a nagging feeling of disconnection?
Research has shown that the time you spend on social media is directly related to your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Your virtual interactions amplify your feelings of loneliness due to disappointment, as they cannot substitute for face-to-face interactions or shared experiences. (Bonsaksen T, et al, 2023)
In therapy, I often work with people who seek help with social isolation. Many people often struggle to connect with others or experience feelings of belonging. Maybe growing up, you lacked company and didn’t have many people around. Maybe you were abused or mocked when you tried to be vulnerable with a loved one. Or you’ve been conditioned to seek validation to feel accepted and constantly need to be reassured.
These experiences leave a lasting impact. However, with the right support, things can change for the better. You learn to be comfortable in large companies and even when alone. Therapy teaches you to be confident in your own self-worth without letting comparison become the thief of your happiness.
What Might Your Heart Be Trying to Say?
Psychologists increasingly view emotions as messages rather than problems to fix. Loneliness, like sadness or fear, is your nervous system’s way of saying: “Something important is missing.”
Sometimes, loneliness reveals itself in quiet inner whispers: “I want to be truly known, not just liked,” or “I miss feeling emotionally safe with someone.”
You might feel, “I’ve lost myself trying to be who others want me to be,” or “I don’t feel understood and I’m tired of pretending I’m okay.” These aren’t superficial longings. They reflect basic human needs for emotional intimacy, belonging, authenticity, and mutual care.
We are, at our core, wired for connection. Neuroscience and attachment theory show that the human brain thrives on emotional attunement, co-regulation, and meaningful bonds (Siegel, 2012; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). When these needs are unmet or inconsistent, loneliness often follows, regardless of how socially “busy” we are.
Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) can help with social isolation by nurturing self-compassion and empathy for others. In my social isolation schema therapy, I will help patients move away from the feeling of not being seen or misunderstood towards a feeling of connectedness. You’ll become more confident and comfortable in solitude, and we’ll work to remove the negative associations of shame and social isolation.
Social isolation because of social media has become a common problem, and during my therapy sessions, I will help you approach digital connectivity with a more balanced approach. This will prevent you from internalising negative comparisons, engaging in more meaningful connections, and building a community based on shared interests.
Why Loneliness Hurts More Now Than Ever
Modern culture can make it harder to meet our relational needs. We live in a world that often prizes appearance over depth, productivity over presence, and independence over interdependence. Social media can offer the illusion of connection while increasing comparison, performance, and self-censorship. In fact, studies show that high social media use is linked to increased feelings of loneliness and anxiety, particularly among young adults (Twenge et al., 2018).
In environments that encourage perfectionism and emotional suppression, many people learn to perform rather than connect, to keep busy rather than feel, and to silence emotional needs in the name of success. Yet, meaningful connection requires space, slowness, vulnerability, and a willingness to be seen beyond the highlight reel.
In my emotional schema therapy, I help address these issues of social inadequacy, fear of missing out (FOMO), self-criticism and comparisons. You become empowered not to seek external validation but to find inner peace.
Social media often presents hyper-realistic and “perfect” versions of people, editing out the personal struggles. These can make many like you feel isolated or lacking. I will help you change that, assisting you in finding answers to how to overcome feelings of isolation despite being surrounded by people, online and offline.
When Loneliness Is Chronic: The Social Isolation and Emotional Deprivation Schemas
For some, loneliness is not just occasional; it’s persistent and familiar. In Schema Therapy, this often relates to the Social Isolation/Alienation Schema, a deep-rooted belief that you are different, unrelatable, or fundamentally don’t belong. This may come from early experiences of exclusion, rejection, or being “the odd one out” in your family, culture, or school environment.
Alongside this, many people carry an Emotional Deprivation Schema, the belief that their emotional needs will never truly be met. You may have grown up with emotionally distant, distracted, or overwhelmed caregivers. As a result, you learned to suppress your need for comfort, empathy, and validation, telling yourself it was “too much,” “pointless,” or “unsafe” to ask for more.
These early patterns can create adult lives filled with surface-level connections but a deep sense of disconnection. You might find yourself in relationships but still feel alone. Or you may withdraw, expecting rejection or invisibility before it even happens. These schemas often activate what Schema Therapy calls the Vulnerable Child Mode, the part of you that carries the pain of being emotionally unmet or excluded.
Schema therapy helps address these emotions with empowerment. Together, we will work to undo your trauma and overcome the emotional blockages that prevent you from seeing yourself as a whole. I will teach you to be emotionally available for yourself, and kind and compassionate when things don’t feel right.
Healing Begins with the Inner Child: Reconnection, Reparenting, and Compassion
To shift these lifelong patterns, we need more than strategies. We need emotional healing. That starts with reconnecting to the vulnerable inner child, the part of you that still longs to be seen, soothed, and held with care. Schema Therapy and Compassion-Focused Therapy (Gilbert, 2010) support the process of limited reparenting, where we begin meeting unmet needs within a safe therapeutic relationship and, eventually, through our own Healthy Adult mode.
This internal work involves learning to recognise your emotional needs, validate your longings, and offer warmth rather than shame or avoidance. Over time, these practices build new emotional pathways. Research by Neff & Germer (2013) shows that self-compassion practices reduce shame and self-criticism, improve emotional regulation, and enhance resilience.
When we consistently check in with our inner child, asking, “What do I need right now?” and respond with empathy rather than dismissal, we begin to repair our emotional foundations. This helps ease chronic loneliness and creates the conditions for deeper, safer, more satisfying relationships with others.
Loneliness begins to shift not because you suddenly have hundreds of friends, but because you’re no longer emotionally disconnected from yourself.
Do you want to change your relationship with yourself and others and overcome this sense of disconnectedness? Let’s talk.
You Were Never Meant to Do Life Alone
Loneliness is not a flaw. It’s not something to be shamed or dismissed. It’s a message from your heart, calling you back to what’s essential: presence, truth, empathy, and connection. And it starts within.
If you’re feeling alone, try to pause, not to scroll more, not to push the feeling away but to ask: What am I really longing for right now? The answer may be surprisingly simple: to be seen, heard, and held. You deserve that.
Therapy can be a space where this reconnection begins. I will help you heal the inner child, undo years of trauma and overcome feelings of loneliness and isolation. You will become comfortable with yourself and find your identity, where you understand your self-worth. Therapy can be the journey from “why am I alone?” to “I love my own company”.
Support for Loneliness Through Therapy
As a Chartered Clinical Psychologist and Certified Advanced Schema Therapist, I support people who carry chronic loneliness, emotional deprivation, and a deep sense of not belonging. Whether you’re navigating relational disconnection, struggling to feel emotionally safe, or carrying schemas that keep you stuck, therapy offers a place to begin healing.
I offer therapy from my private practice in Petersfield, Hampshire and online across the UK. Together, we can explore your emotional patterns, reconnect with your inner child, and build new ways of relating first to yourself, and then to others.
If you’re ready to overcome feelings of loneliness and isolation? I’d be happy to explore with you why you lack feelings of connectedness in a world of hyper-connectivity. Contact me for your free 15-minute consultation.
Whether you’re ready to begin therapy or just want to learn more, feel free to get in touch by calling 07584 354041, emailing info@drmcphee.co.uk, or by filling out my contact form.