Self-Criticism and Shame Therapy
Self-Criticism and Shame Therapy in Hampshire
Do You Constantly Feel That You Are Not Good Enough?
You may appear confident and capable to other people while privately questioning yourself, focusing on mistakes or feeling that you should always be doing more.
Perhaps you dismiss your achievements, struggle to accept compliments or feel deeply affected by criticism. Even relatively small mistakes may leave you feeling embarrassed, anxious or disappointed in yourself.
You may also notice that the way you speak to yourself is much harsher than the way you would ever speak to somebody you care about.
Over time, self-criticism and shame can affect your confidence, relationships, work and emotional wellbeing. Constantly trying to avoid mistakes or prove your worth can become exhausting.
I’m Dr McPhee, a Chartered Clinical Psychologist and ISST Certified Advanced Schema Therapist. I offer psychological therapy to help you understand these patterns and develop a healthier and more supportive relationship with yourself.
Understanding Self-Criticism and Shame
Self-criticism can make mistakes, setbacks or criticism feel much more personal.
Instead of thinking, “That did not go as well as I hoped,” you may quickly find yourself thinking, “I am not good enough,” or “There is something wrong with me.”
Shame can deepen this further, leaving you feeling inadequate, unacceptable or worried that other people will see you negatively.
These feelings often have roots in earlier experiences. Criticism, rejection, bullying, high expectations, emotional neglect or feeling that you had to earn approval can all shape the way you relate to yourself later in life.
Sometimes there is no single event. These patterns may develop gradually over many years.
When the Inner Critic Becomes Too Powerful
For some people, the inner critic develops as a way of trying to prevent failure, rejection or further criticism.
You may have learned to push yourself hard, analyse everything you do or hold yourself to very high standards in the hope that this will keep you safe from judgement.
The problem is that this can gradually become a source of distress in itself.
You may find that success never feels quite enough, mistakes are difficult to tolerate and kindness towards yourself feels unfamiliar or even uncomfortable.
Therapy can help you understand why the inner critic has become so strong and begin developing a different way of responding to yourself.
Perfectionism, Approval and Shame
Perfectionism often sits alongside self-criticism.
High standards are not necessarily a problem. The difficulty comes when your sense of worth depends upon meeting them.
You may feel that you need to perform well, avoid mistakes or gain other people’s approval in order to feel acceptable.
This can leave you constantly striving while still feeling that you have not done enough.
Therapy can help you retain your ambition while reducing the fear, pressure and shame underneath it.
How Dr McPhee’s Therapy Can Help
My approach is formulation-led, which means we will look at how your current difficulties fit with your earlier experiences, emotional needs and ways of coping.
Rather than simply trying to stop negative thoughts, we will work to understand why these patterns developed and what keeps them going.
I draw particularly upon Schema Therapy and Compassion Focused Therapy, alongside CBT and EMDR where clinically appropriate.
Schema Therapy
Schema Therapy can help us explore deeply rooted beliefs about being inadequate, defective, unlovable or responsible for meeting everybody else’s needs.
Compassion Focused Therapy
Compassion Focused Therapy can help when self-criticism and shame are particularly strong, especially when being kind to yourself feels difficult or undeserved.
CBT and EMDR
CBT may help with patterns such as overthinking, perfectionism, avoidance and reassurance seeking, while EMDR may be useful where shame is strongly connected with traumatic or humiliating experiences.
The exact approach will depend upon your individual history and therapy goals.
What Working With Me Looks Like
Why Choose Dr McPhee for Self-Criticism and Shame Therapy?
I am an HCPC Registered and BPS Chartered Clinical Psychologist with over 15 years of extensive clinical training and experience.
I am also an ISST Certified Advanced Schema Therapist and have completed advanced training in several evidence-based psychological therapies such as EMDR.
My approach is warm, collaborative and tailored to your individual history and needs.
Therapy will not simply involve telling you to think positively.
We will work together to understand the deeper patterns behind self-criticism and shame and develop more sustainable ways of relating to yourself.
Self-Criticism and Shame Therapy in Hampshire or Online
You may have spent many years believing that being hard on yourself is what keeps you motivated or protects you from criticism and rejection.
There may be understandable reasons why these patterns developed.
But you do not need to attack yourself in order to grow.
Therapy can help you respond to mistakes with greater perspective, become less controlled by shame and develop a more stable sense of your own worth.
I offer in-person psychological therapy from my practice in Petersfield, Hampshire, and online therapy across the UK.
To arrange a complimentary 15-minute consultation, get in touch here.
Is Self-Criticism Always Harmful?
No. Healthy self-reflection can help us learn and change. It becomes problematic when it turns into personal attack, shame or fear.
What If Self-Compassion Feels Uncomfortable?
This is very common. If you have relied on criticism and pressure for many years, a more supportive way of responding to yourself can initially feel unfamiliar.
Will Self-Compassion Make Me Less Motivated?
No. The aim is not to lower your standards, but to help you stay motivated without relying so heavily upon fear, shame or self-punishment.
Is Therapy Right for Me?
Therapy may be helpful if you frequently feel inadequate or ashamed, are highly sensitive to criticism or feel that your worth depends upon achievement or approval.
Can Online Therapy Help?
Yes. I offer online therapy for adults throughout the UK as well as in-person appointments in Petersfield, Hampshire.
Please schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to explore how we might work together.